Don’t Go It Alone
Whatever issue you’re facing, a support group may help
“Creativity and companionship can be powerful factors in healing.”
Brett Weber, 36, of Allentown didn’t let multiple sclerosis (MS) stop him from completing his Ph.D. and becoming a college professor. But when the disease progressed, he switched his focus to another passion, art—and shared it with his MS wellness group. The members use painting to express their feelings, “creating something that is uniquely their own,” Weber says. “Painting has made a real difference in my life. It makes me feel good knowing that something I decided to do for myself during one of the lowest moments in my life is now helping other people."Consider a Support Group If…
- You don’t know where to turn for answers.
- You feel helpless and out-of-control.
- You’ve stopped going places and doing things you used to do.
- You feel profoundly sad and cry a lot.
- You’ve isolated yourself from family and friends.
- You feel anxious about your condition or situation much of the time.
For life’s usual ups and downs, you can call on friends and family for support. But when a crisis hits, it may be too much for them—or you—to handle without reinforcements. Enter the support group. “Whether you’re dealing with a serious illness, a life change like new parenthood or divorce, or some other major challenge, a support group can help see you through it,” says head of the cancer support team Ulla Martz of Lehigh Valley Hospital and Health Network.
Practical help and education are key parts of most support group meetings. The group leader can direct you to community resources for financial help, counseling or equipment you might need. You can learn what questions to ask your doctor, or how to prepare for surgery. In groups focused on a chronic illness, speakers inform members about the latest research, the role of nutrition and other important matters. And support group members share strategies that help them cope—with anything from the loneliness of widowhood to a toddler’s tantrums to how to use a prosthesis.
Just as important is the emotional support that group members share. “Support networks validate your feelings,” Martz says. “You may try to downplay your situation with your loved ones to protect them, but in a support group you’re with people going through the same thing. They understand your fears and frustrations.” You get inspiration and encouragement from people who are taking charge and coping successfully. “Women are usually comfortable giving and receiving emotional support in a group setting,” Martz says, “while men typically join for the practical advice. But they, too, soon discover the comfort of sharing their feelings.”
Some groups, like those for dieters or cancer survivors, tend to be led by a peer, a person you can relate to because he or she has “been through it.” Other groups are led by a professional with training specific to your illness or issues. He or she is usually knowledgeable about other resources and can refer you if needed. All facilitators try to ensure that everyone in the group gets a chance to be heard.
“Some people manage to cope well without a support group,” Martz says, “but why try to soldier on alone when help is available?” Your doctor can refer you to a group, or you can come on your own. Most group sessions are free of charge.
“This group helped me learn to live a full life despite my limitations.”
Edward Ebert, 69, of Hellertown has been president of the Better Breathers’ Club of the Lehigh Valley for 20 years—almost as long as he’s had emphysema. He also has chronic bronchitis and a paralyzed lung. The club meets monthly to learn and share. Going out takes energy, and sometimes Ebert is tempted to stay home, but he knows it’s important not to isolate yourself. “The best part of our meetings is getting together with people in the same boat,” he says.
“I wanted to sit next to another amputee and swap life stories.”
It took Rev. Richard Stevens of North Wales a while to find the amputee support group at Lehigh Valley Hospital, but now he and his wife, Barbara, wouldn’t miss a meeting—even though it means an hour drive each way. Stevens, 68, lost both legs to complications of diabetes. He first found help from “cyber friends” in online forums, but as a pastor, he knows the value of face-to-face inspiration and support. As he tells new amputees, “If I can do it, so can you.”
“It meant a lot hearing another mother’s story.”
Instead of feeling joyful after the birth of her daughter, Erin Luck felt nervous, fearful and out of control. The 30-year-old Macungie woman had postpartum depression (PPD)—and at a new support group called Depression After Delivery, she discovered she wasn’t alone. Kelly Ciminelli, 35, also of Macungie, shared her own earlier experience with PPD. “I want to be a resource for other women going through this,” Ciminelli says. Both women are fully recovered now.
“Here was a resource for my questions about breastfeeding and about parenting, too.”
Davina Hatton, 36, of Wescosville didn’t realize how much she wanted to nurse her then newborn son, Frank, until problems arose following a traumatic delivery. A support group called Monday Morning Moms made all the difference. “It gave me a place to go where I knew I could talk to people who understood,” she says. Hatton’s son began nursing easily, but she and other mothers enjoyed their fellowship so much they formed a follow-up group. Attending the group are Tanya Schoeffling of Walnutport and daughter Sara, Pamela Smith of Center Valley and daughter Erin, and Hatton with Frank, who’s now 2 and has a new baby brother.
This page last updated 4/8/08 10:16 AM
